Teetotal

from Portrait of the Young Man as an Artist by Owen Franklin

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lyrics

I said I was leaving once I’d finished my round
But next thing I knew we were out on the town
And now it’s the morning and my stomach is sick
I’ve spent all my money and I feel like a prick
I went on a bender and now Jesus I’m feeling unwell
My stomach churns like a blender and my head is going through hell
I know it’s unlike me so I’ll forgive you if you smile when I say,
“I’m going teetotal for a while”
It seemed like a bad idea but now I’ve had several beers
So let’s play this slighty risqué drinking game
I don’t mean to be explicit, but her mouth – well I really didn’t miss it
Making out with your friends while drunk is really lame
There’s fun and there’s foolish and I think last night was the latter
Don’t tell me I’m prudish and don’t tell me that it doesn’t matter
‘Cause if I’d been sober, well I would have run a mile
So that’s why I’m going teetotal for a while
If you can’t drink responsibly it’s fair to say you probably
Shouldn’t really drink at all, and some of you dicks should take the hint from me
I wish that our society would favour more sobriety but that’s not the case at all
So I’ll sit here at the bar with my orange juice alone
It’s gonna be tricky, but at least God knows that I’m trying
But I could kill for a cocktail, a cold lager or a glass of rosé wine
Southern Comfort, Tia Maria, and every type of Belgian beer
Are normally more my style, and that’s exactly why I’m going teetotal
So goodbye, I’m going teetotal for a while

credits

from Portrait of the Young Man as an Artist, released February 1, 2011

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